Trust God. And Just Let Go 🕊️

 

Today was my monthly date with Holy Spirit. Something I’ve been wanting to fit in my schedule for real. Today is my first one being on an actual schedule. I planned it before the date and here we are. I wanted to explore and do things I promised I’d do once I got a job. Once I got the job, I found other things that were more critical than resting and resetting with God like I said I would. 

Holy Spirit convicted me. “Do you like breaking promises to yourself?” I thought “no I don’t but…”

Holy Spirit: “Nakeeta, you’re worth it. You’re worth being pampered. You’re worth giving yourself the things that you want and that you’ve promised yourself. Do you really think if it’s important to you that it’s not also important to me?” I cried. Then I agreed. Holy Spirit convinced me to book the date for our first date on March 17th. I did. I decided to go rock climbing and I don’t find that coincidental but more like prophetic. I learnt a lot. So let’s talk about it.

Today is that day. It’s March 17th and the night before I was telling God how much I wanted to make it real date and I wanted to have fun and feel like I was being taken out by my husband. I went to the store to get a quick protein shake and fruit and catcher an uber to my destination. Then I got the tour of this climbing gym. They asked if it was my first time. I said yes. As we walked in  I saw the tallest walls I’ve ever seen inside a building. I thought in my mind they’d be shorter but they weren’t. I was excited yet intimidated by the height and size of these walls. I smiled with my excitement and fear telling her that I didn’t know the walls were going to be this tall but I’m excited and this is going to be interesting. But as the tour guide explained to me that this is not technically what I’d be doing since it was my first time, because I’d need to learn how to tie the ropes and all the other cool stuff which I had no idea how to do yet. She recommended that I’d probably start with really short walls, something called bouldering. Or maybe even one with the harness because the really tall walls you need a buddy to do it with. I thought, I’m not alone, I have Holy Spirit. I have a buddy. But also, I was a little disappointed because I thought I am sure I could do it if I tried. 

After I went to get set up so that I could begin. They told me I needed a harness and special climbing shoes and a chalk bag. After I got geared up, we went to the wall. It wasn’t bouldering, but it was a wall that had a harness that is made for one person and it would hold your body weight when you’re ready to come down. The instructor explained to me that I must climb to the first threshold and then just push back and let go all while restraining from holding the harness rope as that would cause me to be holding my full body weigh rather than allowing the harness to do the work for me and cause me to glide down easily. So I began climbing. And it was okay at first. Until I decided to look down. I made it to the first threshold,  but now it was time to push away from the wall and let go and allow the harness to guide me down easily. On the first attempt, I looked down and I was terrified. The instructor said “just let go and sit back into the harness and it’ll bring you back down.” I screamed “I can’t” in a panic. He assured me, it’s okay, just push back. So I did. And I didn’t land on my feet, I landed on my back as I screamed on the way down. The instructor told me to keep practicing and said “I get it, letting go is the hardest part to get use to.” So i told him I’d keep doing it to get use to letting go and pushing back. So he asked if i was okay or needed to ask any other questions before he left me alone to do it. I said I’m okay. 

As I began trying. I noticed the climbing wasn’t the problem for me, it was the part where I had to let go and trust that I wouldn’t be hurt if I let go. It was choosing trust over fear. But fear seemed to win everytime. However, as time passed and I kept doing it over and over again stopping at that first threshold, kind of like the first level, I got use to it a bit and came down easier and landed on my feet and allowed the harness to do its job and it felt easier each time. This next time, I decided to go further past that first threshold. And as soon as I barely past it, fear set in again, as my brain told me, I haven’t been this far before, it’s not what I’m use to, I didn’t practice this. I couldn’t, because this level and height was higher than my previous level. But I decided to keep going. I kept going and then it was time to come back down and like every other time, the fear of letting go was even more intense because I was higher than I was before. Nevertheless, I let go, but in fear, then realized it’s not as bad coming down when I allow that harness to do its job. So then I decided to go higher the next time, passing that second threshold. And again, as I say myself physically passing that threshold, I was even more afraid. I decided to look down and see how far up I was and I was terrified and wanted to come down immediately. But I heard a voice say, “why are you going up so far anyway, just come down.” Then I said to myself “But I want to go to make it to the top.”then I said “I’ve made it this far, why not just keep going. I’ve made it this far, just keep going” so I kept going. But the farther I climbed, the more afraid I was because I kept looking back, behind me, down from where I was climbing up from. But I did it. I made it to the top. It wasn’t easy though, because the higher I climbed, the routes and stones I had to hold on to were harder to hold on to, some stones were smaller, smoother or nothing available for much grip, you had to really focus so you don’t fall. What I also noticed was that I climbed up faster and easier this time because I wasn’t so concerned about the many stones I saw pr contemplated which one to choose, I just focused solely on the next step, felt each rock closest to me and kept climbing. But, back to me realizing I made it to the top, and there was nowhere else to go but back down. But I was further than I’ve ever climbed before and I was so afraid and o kept asking myself, “why is it that it is so hard when I get to this point where I need to push back and let go.” I heard a Holy Spirit say “if you trust me, it won’t be so hard” I knew it was about trust. Something I’ve been working all my life to master. I tried to even come down on my own by climbing back down on the same stones I climbed up on, but that was harder and defeated the purpose of the harness and the joy of climbing and resting and allowing the harness to carry my body weight as I glide back to the ground. So after, a long couple of minutes I held my breath and pushed off with so much fear and had a somewhat rocky landing. But because I made it to the top I thought, mission accomplished. I’m done now, I did it. But the voice of Holy Spirit whispered to me “Climb to the top one more time.” “Again!?” I thought. But I decided to obey. And this time, I prayed. Lord, this time is about me and you. I’m climbing with you. Please protect me, and let it be prophetic and help  me make it to the top. So I began climbing, only focusing on my next steps and what was right infront of me and easier to use to climb higher. As I climbed I gave myself many self talks. I said “I don’t need to look down or look back, I just need to keep climbing.” I said that because I remembered the story of Lots wife and how looking back caused her to perish, it literally cost her her life. Rather than focusing on what was ahead or infront of her she was more concerned or afraid of what was behind her. And I didn’t want that to happen to me this time on my second try at this. So I didn’t look down. I made it to the top, but again. I couldn’t bring myself to let go, because after all. I’m all the way at the top of this 50 feet wall. So I said many times. “You don’t have to be afraid Nakeeta. Just let go! It’s okay. Just push back and let go. You are safe, you will be okay.” Then I proceeded to say “Holy Spirit, this part is about trust and I need you to help me.” So I said again as I breathed slowly. “Just let go Nakeeta, push back and let go, you are going to be okay.” Then I pushed myself off the wall and allowed the harness to do its thing while bouncing off the wall with my feet as I focused careful on coming down, this time without fear and it felt exonerated. It felt so freeing this time and I had a smoother landing than all the other times before and I truly felt accomplished and proud of myself as I was tempted to come back down on my own but didn’t. I allow the harness to bring me down effortlessly like it was designed to do. So here are the lessons I learnt from my rock climbing experience story.

Lesson #1: Sometimes, the thing you think you’re ready for, even excited to try is not exactly what you are qualified for or ready to do based on the fact that you have not gone through the proper training or processes and practice to fully be trusted to go down that path. Just being excited to try or saying you are ready is not enough.

Lesson #2: the importance of teamwork. Sometimes in order to move forward or be trusted with going up the mountain and tackling the higher and more challenging routes is the ability to work with a buddy/partner. Sometimes, you need another person to hold up your weight as you climb and trust that they won’t let you fall. And even if you do, the laws/systems that govern this journey will kick in to make sure you land safely. Not every road is meant to walk by yourself, sometimes you must walk alongside someone else because that is the requirement based on the task and the level of difficulty of that task you are trying to accomplish. 

Lesson #3: In order to take on a path you’ve never experienced or walked before, you need your gear. You need to be equip to handle the road you are about to trod and you need to practice using them to get acquainted with the tools you use and the process you have to go through to accomplish the mission you have up ahead. 

Lesson #4: Fear always seems bigger than it actually is. And the more you do the thing you are afraid of, simply by practice, trial and error, it gets a little bit easier each time. Fear is loud, and discouraging. But hope and belief in God and in yourself and the ability God gave you to do that which you thought you couldn’t, speaks calmer and softer, and you can hear it if you just pause, listen, and make the decision to keep going regardless of what you feel. Hope and belief is of greater motivation than fear ever could be, it challenges you, and encourages you to do more than you’ve ever done and rewards you with joy after you’ve done it. So do it. Do it afraid. 

Lesson #5: The higher you climb, once you unlock that next level, and pass the next threshold, another level of fear is unlocked also, but it is imperative that you keep going, keep moving forward no matter what, and do not stop until you reach to the top. Do not look back. Keep your eyes infront of you and focus only on your next steps rather than everything around you, because they are distractions that will ultimately slow you down, because it breaks your focus by causing you to overthink if you are taking the right step. Just take the step infront of you that’s best for you and keep moving. By focusing only on the right infront of you, you notice that you get there faster. Also, the reason you should not look back, is because fear is always at the behind you, trying to get your attention to get you to stumble, fall or even paralyzed you from making any more movements making you stagnant. Looking back can even cost you your life, like it did Lots wife, because sometimes looking back will cause regret of leaving or even resentment of leaving comfort for that which is greater. 

Lesson #6: Ground level is safer, yes. And many people will be there and you can stay there with them if you want to, and that’s okay. But if you desire something more, something greater, to go to higher heights , you must climb the mountain no one else is willing to. 

Lesson #7: If you truly trust God, in everything, not just some things or only certain areas of your life, letting go won’t be hard for you. It will be easy. Because you know He holds you, and He will never allow you to fall if you taut Him by giving yourself completely into His hands. 

BONUS LESSON/TIP: Sometimes the thing you thought you accomplished one time. Try it again, but without the fear. And sometimes, you just need to give yourself a pep talk. We all need one sometimes. That’s all I have for now. I hope this helps.